Taking Over Me
by Unlegally Insane
Summary: Tonks thinks over Remus's absence in her life. Remus/Tonks oneshot songfic, dark, T for themes. I am not proud of it, but I am not taking it down. Read at your own risk.


**Disclaimer: Own nothing myself**

_You don't remember me but I remember you  
I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you  
_

It isn't easy, laying here at night. I stare at the ceiling, and wonder. I want you. I try not to think of you, since you so obviously don't want me. You pushed me away, you think you are inferior. I don't care about any of that. I think of you. The way your sandy blonde hair, now streaked with grey, tumbles into your eyes.

Your eyes. Blue and grey in a never-ending dance. The way pity filled them when I told you I loved you. The hurt. I never wanted to hurt you. I just wanted you. What you become once a month, it doesn't bother me. If it did, how could I love you?

Three thirty three. A magical time. A time when a wish can come true. I wish for you, your lips on mine, your hand on my skin. A foolish dream.

_But who can decide what they dream?  
And dream I do..._

In my dream, you come up to me. I have always approached you. But now, you walk towards me, confident. I marvel in the sight of you. Regal, quiet, meek, and strong. I can't help it. I want you. You come close to me, a step closer than you have ever been in reality. I feel the longing for you in my bones.

I wake up. Pillow wet with tears I cannot shed awake. You think you are broken, not whole. Not a true man, not worthy. Does the reluctance you feel stem from feelings for me? Am I just deluding myself, believing you care? I want you.

I feel you can overcome.

_I believe in you  
I'll give up everything just to find you  
I have to be with you to live to breathe  
you're taking over me_

I feel so empty, when your gaze slides over me. I am sure people can feel the tension, the sorrow. When they meet my eyes, now a dull brown, can they see my hurt? My hair is no longer bubble-gum pink. Can they see my heartbreak? I am sure Molly Weasley can.

Her all-to-kind glances speak volumes. The pity, the understanding, the hope in them makes me want to cry. But, I can't cry for you. Not when I am awake. Only in my dreams can my tears fall. In an odd way, I anxiously await them, to find some relief. They make it easier to breathe.

Can you tell how when I walk into a room you are in, how I can't breathe? Can you see how every glance of you fills me with hope and hurt? Do you see the effect you have on me?

I just want you.

_Have you forgotten all I know  
And all we had?  
You saw me mourning my love for you  
And touched my hand  
I knew you loved me then_

The easy friendship we had, I would take it again in a heartbeat. But you are so anxious to push me away, we don't even have that. I can't forget your advice, your kindness. Have you forgotten how easy it was to talk? I miss you.

Then that night, the Order need us for a mission, you Apparated to my house, and saw me crying in my sleep. I woke up as you leaned over me. I didn't realize it was not a dream. I cried harder. Do you remember what I said?

"Remus, I can't take these dreams. Why do you haunt me?" My voice was hoarse, tortured. I closed my eyes. How you woke me up, gently. You grabbed my hand, and with one glance affirmed all my beliefs.

You loved me. You saw my pain, and in the only way you could, you returned my feelings. Through your eyes. Your eyes were always my favorite, the depth and passion in them threw me. I dream about that night, the way you leaned over me tenderly, the way you held my hand, the look in your eyes.

Why do you have this effect on me? Why can't I just give up? It would be so easy, to let a Death Eater get me. But I can't die. I live for you. I was so sure, after that night, you would let me know.

You would tell me how you loved me. I was wrong. You never let on you showed your love for me. You hid it, in yourself. So afraid of hurting me, due to the fact you were a wolf every full moon, you couldn't see the damage your absence was doing to me.

_I believe in you  
I'll give up everything just to find you  
I have to be with you to live to breathe  
You're taking over me_

That fight when we broke Lily's protection on Harry, do you know how hard it was for me. I wasn't with you. I wouldn't know if you were alive or dead. I was in fear of what would happen to you. I knew if you died, I wouldn't be able to survive. But, somehow, I had faith. Faith you would survive.

And when I saw you after, such relief! I have never felt so relieved. My breaths stopped being labored. I could breathe easily. Do you know what you do to me? Do you know how much I think of you?

After, that night, while I lay in bed, I thought of Lily's love for Harry. She died for him. I knew I would die for you. I knew I would do whatever it took to protect you. You were my life. Yet, you were so blind. The fact you were a werewolf didn't matter. I wanted you, everything. It was a package deal. I wasn't afraid.

I should have been afraid, but life without you was an even more terrifying thought. It would be like life without an eye, a lung. It would be living without a heart. No purpose.

Why didn't you see what you did to me?

_I look in the mirror and see your face  
If I look deep enough  
So many things inside that are just like you are taking over_

There are times I catch a glimpse of you, in the corner of my eyes. When I turn to look, you are never there. I think that is what hurts the most. The fact I want you so badly, I see you everywhere.

Do you remember the night you came to confess your love to me? How I saw you in the mirror and began to cry? How sure I was you were an illusion? Did you see what you did to me?

Then, you took me in your arms, so strong, so safe. Kissing my eyelids, getting my tears in your mouth. That was when I knew you were real. The joy that flooded through my body, I was happier than I have ever been. How my blood heated up, my pulse raced, my heart pounded. You control me, my body. Merlin, you take over my body. I could kiss you until I had no air, and not take a breath, unwilling to tear your lips from mine.

You whispered apologies in my ear. You whispered how you loved me. I just was content to be there, in your arms. Who knew when you'd leave me?

How you called me Dora, not Tonks, and it felt so personal. The way it fit your voice. I was drowning in you, your voice, your scent, your love. Then, when you finally kissed me on the lips, I thought I would die. I had spent so many hours dreaming about this moment. It was perfect. You were perfect. I was willing to take life day by day.

Our wedding, till death do we part. It'll take death to get me away from you.


End file.
